
GEO. M. BAKER'S 
NEW PLAYS. 



Copyright, 1876, by George M. Baker. 

I iNl- \ i\ 4>,-\. .»r lilt: I.OJ.I iXiliit:. 

• PAST KKDICMFTION. 4 Acts 
COIViKADES. 3 Acts. Price 2' 
TITANIA . A Fairy Play for C 
\ OUK FOI.KS. 3Acte. Pric 
I KEB*:CCA'S TRIUMPH 
I Other New Plays. 



SANTA CLAUSTHE FIRST. A Christmas Play fo" 
POISON. As played by the •• Hasty Pudding Clui 



Ju8t Pabllshed.— "The Popular Edition" ot Baker's Reading Club and Handy 
Speaker. Nob. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12, 50 Selections in each. Price, 15 cts. each 



Spencer's Universal Stage. 

Collection o/ COMEDIES, DRAMAS, and FARCES, adapted to either Public or PrivcUa 
Performance. Containing a full description of all the 
necessary Stage Business. 

PRICE, 15 CENTS EACH. «^- No P!ays Exchanged. 



LOST IN LONDON. A Drama in 3 Acts. 

6 male, 4 female characters. 
NICHOLAS FLAM. A Comedy in 2 Acta. 

By J. B. Buckstone. 5 male, 3 female char. 
THE WELSH Gir,L. A Comedy in 1 Act. 

By Mrs. Planche. 3 male, 2 female char. 
JOHN WOPPS. A Farce in 1 Act By 

W. E. Suter. 4 male, 2 lemale char. 

THE TUEKISH BATH. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By Montague Williams and F. C. Bumuud. 

6 male, 1 female char. 

THE TWO PTJDDIFOOTS. A Farce in 1 

Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 

OLD HONESTY. A Comic Drama in 2 

Acts. By J. M. Morton. 5 male- 2 female char. 

TWO GENTLEMEN IN A FIX- A 

Farce in 1 Act. By W. E, Suter. 2 male char. 

SMASHINGTON GOIT. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By T. J. Williams. Smale, 3 lemale char. 
TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE. A 
Farce in 1 Act. By Lenox Home. 4 male, 
1 female char. 
JOHN DOBBS. ^A Farce in 1 Act ByJ.M. 

Morton. 5 male, 2 female char. 

THE DAUGHTER of the REGIMENT. 

A Drama in 2 Acts. By Edward litzball, 

6 male, 2 female char. 

AUNT CHARLOTTE'S MAID. Alarce in 1 

Act By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 

BROTHER BILL AND ME. A Farce in 

1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 4 male, 3 female char. 

DONE ON BOTH SIDES. A Farce in 1 

Act By J. M. Jlorton. 3 male, 2 female char. 

DUNDUCKETTY'S PICNIC. A Farce in 1 

Act. By T. J. Williams. G male, 3 female char. 

I'VE WRITTEN TO BROWNE. A Fari?e 

in 1 Act By T. J. Williams. 4 male, 3 female 

char. 

MY PRECIOUS BETSY. A Farce in 1 

Act. By J. AI. Morton. 4 male, 4 female char. 

MY TURN NEXT. A Farce in 1 Act By 

T. J. Williams. 4 male, 3 female char. 

THE PHANTOM BREAKFAST. A Farce 

in 1 Act i3y Chas. Selby. .j male, 2 female char. 

DANDELION'S DODGES. A Farce in 1 

Act By T. J. Williams. 4 male, 2 female char. 

A SLICE OP LUCK. A Farce in 1 Act By 

J. M. Morton. 4 male, 2 female char. 

ALWAYS INTENDED. A Comedy in 1 

Act By Uorace Wigan. 3 male, 3 female char. 

A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP. A Comedy 

in 2 Acts. By Charles Matthews. 6 male, 4 

~iale char. 

HER GLASS. A Drama in 1 Act By 
Morton. 6 male, 3 female char. 

OUT. A Faroe in 1 Act ByH. 
" male, 3 female char. 
\I. A Commedietta in 1 Act. By 
3 male, 2 female char. 
'UNG MAN. A Farce in 1 
Suter. 3 male, 3 female char. 
HAS NO FRIENDS. A 
• E. Yates and N. U. Har- 
■•male char. 
NG. A Farce in 1 Act. 
male 6 female char. 
DOW. A Farce in 1 
" male, 4 female char. 
GER. A Farce in 
lie, 3 female char, 
^rama in 2 Acts. 
1 female char. 



86. DIAMOND CUT DIAMOND. An Interlude 
in 1 Act. By W. H. Murray. 10 male, 1 female 
char. 

37. LOOK AFTER BROWN. A Farce in! Act 

By George A. Stuart M. D. 6 male, 1 female 
char. 

38. MONSEIGNEUR. A Drama in 3 Acts. By 

Thomas Archer. 15 male, 3 female char. 

39. A VERY PLEASANT EVENING. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 3 male char. 

40. BROTHER BEN. A Farce in 1 Act B^ . 

M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 

41. ONLY A CLOD. A Comic Drama in 1 Liri. 

By J. P. Simpson. 4 male, 1 female char. 

42. GASPARDO THE GONDOLIER. A 

Drama in 3 Acts. By George Almar. 10 male, 
2 female char. 

43. SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS. 

A Drama in 1 Act. By Slingsby Lawrence. 3 
male, 3 female char. 

44. DON'T JUDGE BY APPEARANCES. A 

Farce in 1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 8 
female char. 

45. NURSE Y CHICK WEED. A Farce in lAct 

By T. J. Wi.liams. 4 male, 2 lemale char. 

46. MARY MOO; or. Which shall I Marry? 

A Farce in 1 Act By W. £. Suter. 2 male, 1 
female char. 

47. EAST LYNNE. A Drama in 5 Acts. 8 male, 

7 female char. 

48. THE HIDDEN HAND. A Drama in 5 Acts. 

By Robert Jones. IG male, 7 female char. 

49. SILVERSTONS'S WAGER. A Commedi- 

etta in 1 Act ByR. R. Andrews. 4 male, 3 fe- 
male char. 
BO. DORA. A Pastoral Drama in 3 Acts. By^hai. 
Reade. 5 male, 2 female char. 

55. THE WIFE'S SECRET. A Play in 8 Acts. 

By Geo. W. Lovell. 10 male, 2 female char. 

56. THE BABES IN THE WOOD. A Com- 

edy in 3 Acts By Tom Taylor. 10 male. 3 le- 
male char. 

57. PUTKINS , Heir 1 3 Castles in the Air. 

A Comic Drama in i Act By W. R. Emerson. 

2 male, 2 fei.alc char. 

68. AN UGLY CUSTOMER. A Farce in 1 Act. 
By Thomas J. Williams. 3 male, 2 female char. 

59. BLUE AND CHERRY. A Comedy in 1 Act 

3 male, 2 female char. 

60. A DOUBTFUL VICTORY. A Comedy in 

1 Act 3 male, 2 female char. 

61. THE SCARLET LETTER. A Drama in 3 

Acts. 8 male, 7 female char. 

62. WHICH WILL HAVE HIM P A Vaude- 

ville. 1 male, 2 female char. 

63. MADAM IS ABED. A Vaudeville in 1 Act 

2 male, 2 female char. 

64. THE ANONYMOUS KISS. A Vaudeville. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

65. THE CLEFT STICK. A Comedy m S Acts. 

5 male, 3 female char. 

66. A SOLDIER. A SAILOR, A TINKER, 

AND A TAILOR. A Farce in 1 AcX 4 male, 
2 female char. 

67. GIVE A DOG A BAD NAME. A Farce. 

2 male, 2 female char. 

68. DAMON AND PYTHIAS. A Farce. « 

male, 4 female char. 

69. A HUSBAND TO ORDER. A S.erio-comic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 5 male, 3 female char. 

70. PAYABLE ON DEMAND. A Domestic 

Drama in 2 Acts. 7 male, 1 female char. 



•€e on application to 

Baker & Co., 47 Franklin St. 



Bo»<toii 



THE 



COOL COLLEGIANS 



A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS 

BY 

MILES MEDIC 



BOSTON 
GEORGE M. BAKER & COMPANY / 

1883 



^s^^^"^ 



f^u> 



College chums. 



CHARACTERS. 

HARRY MEREDITH,) 

FRED PARKS, \ 

MRS. HUNTOON Fred's aunt. 

FANNY MORRISON Her niece. 

MOLLIE WAIN WRIGHT Fanny s friend. 

MUGGINS Colored servajit. 

KATE Irish servant. 

LIST OF PROPERTIES. 



Bundle of Papers and Letters. 

Bunch of Cigarettes. 

Matches. 

Note-book and Pencil. 

Calling Cards. 



Tray and Dishes. 
Duster, Bag, etc. 
Spectacles. 
Photographs. 
Music. 



Costumes modern and appropriate. 
Time, one hour. 



Copyright, 1883, 
By GEORGE M. BAKER. 



)Z-^(o^Zf 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS/ 

A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. 



Door. 




Bookcase! 



O Chair 




ACT L 

Scene. — Students room with table or desk, piano, book- 
case, chairs, etc. Fred sitting at desk, reading letter. 
Muggins dusting room uigoroiisly, 

Fred. Confound the luck ! This knocks my summer's 
fun clear out of time. I wish she and her niece were in 
Tophet. Phew-ah-ahtch ! {Coughs and sneezes. Muggins 
ditsts table, and sends paper flying) What are you trying to 
do, you black rascal ? {Rises.) 

Muggins. I — I — begs yer pardon, I does, Massa Fred. 
But I only done did jus' as yer tole me. 

Fred. Well, all right. But keep that infernal thing out 
of my face. I'm not quite dust to dust yet. Dost hear? 

Muggins {startled, begins edging toward door). Dar, dar, 
dat'U do, Massa Fred. I'se puffectly willin' to be buffitud 
and swored at. But please don' do dat agin. 



4 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Fred {lattis^Jiing). All right, blacky. But hold on a minute. 
If you see Harry anywhere about, send him Up and — 

Muggins. Yaas, Massa Fred. {Dodges oui, slajnming 
doo}\) 

Fred. Hold on. Muggins ! 

Muggins {putting head in door). Sah ? 

Fred. And bring up a bunch of cigarettes. 

Muggins. Yaas, Massa Fred. {Slams door.) 

Fred. Confound the fellow ! — Muggins, come in here ! 

Muggins. Sah ? 

Fred. Bring up some cigarettes and — 

Muggins. All right, massa. I done hear you say dat 
afore. {Slams door.) 

Fred {excitedly). Muggins, you rascal, come in here and 
stay here. * 

Muggins {eying Fred, and leaving door open for escape^ 
Sah? 

Fred {grasping him by collar). There, stand still and 
hear what I have to say. Bring up some cigarettes and a 
siphon of soda; and to-night I shall want you to pack my 
trunk, I suppose. Now you may go. {All this time Mug- 
gins fnakes starts for door^ Fred restraifiing hijn.) 

Muggins. Yaas, Massa Fred. {Slams door. Exit.) 

Fred {throwing himself into chair). Confound the fellow!- 
He's as uneasy as though he'd swallowed a spring-mattress. 
{Looks at watch) Hallo! half-past three. Now what am I 
to do about this letter ? {Begins reading.) 
{Enter Muggins.) 

Muggins {bowing awkwardly). Massa Fred. 

Fred. Well, what is it, Muggins ? 

Muggins. Please, massa, I wasn't watching you werry 
close: did — did yer wink when yer spoke about dat 
sody? 

Fred. Wink, you rascal ? No ! Get out of this. {Starts 
for him. Exit Muggins, laughing) 

Fred {returns to his letter). Now for it: " So many years 
since I have seen you — my niece — must come this sum- 
mer" — bosh! {Throws letter on table, and sits at piano.) 
What the dickens made the old lady flash up just at this 
time? Heigho! luck's against me. {Drtans on pia?io.) If 
she'd only waited a day longer, I'd have been safe and sound 
in Saratoga, and she might whistle. 

(Hakry heard corning outside^ singing some college sottg. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 5 

Fred joins him with piano. Enter Harry. They sing 
the chorus together^ 

Harry. Well, my most noble Roman, how goes it? 

Fred. Where've you been all the afternoon ? 

Harry {leaning on piano). The categorical quality of 
your answer staggers me. I've been along with the gang 
down in Ben Otis's room. By the way, he's tumbled on a 
new wrinkle in cigarettes : try one. {Throws hi?n a bunchy 

Fred. Thanks. {Lights one) Old man, here's a letter I 
want you to read. 

Harry {takes it, and looks at it). Oh, blow the letter! it's 
too long. Tell it to me, dearie. {Sits at desk) 

Fred. Well, you remember that aunt of mine? 

Harry. Well, no : I can hardly say I do. 

Fred. Why, yes, — that one down in Duxbury. 

Harry. Oh ! the one that hasn't seen you since you were 
a little shaver? 

Fred. Yes. That's the one. 

Harry. Cert, I remember. Proceed, young one. 

Fred. Well, she's written that she wants me to make 
her a long visit this summer. Duty to relations, respect, and 
all that sort of thing, you know. She offers, as a possible 
inducement, the opportunity of meeting her beloved niece. 
And all this comes just as I had arranged for another sum- 
mer at Saratoga with Mollie Wainwright. 

Harry {reflectively). It's a corker, and no mistake. 

Fred. What would you do? 

Harry. Oh, I don't know : 'twould depend a great deal 
which place I preferred. 

Fred. Good Lord, man ! you can't suppose for an instant 
that I want to be stewed up all summer with an old tabby 
and her companion. Not any in mine, please. 

Harry. Well, then, I don't see but what that settles it 
in favor of Saratoga, and the gay and festive Mollie. By 
the way, I trust this is nothing serious. Let me see. She's 
lasted nearly a year. Look out, sonny: she's an accom- 
plished flirt. 

Fred. Oh, blow that ! But what shall I say ? 

Harry. My dear boy, for once in your hfe say No. I 
am painfully aware that your attempts at the negative are 
lamentable failures. Now, brace radically. You can see now, 
perhaps, how my way is better than yours. Do as I do, and 
you'll wear diamonds. If I don't want to buy a ticket to this 



6 THE COOL col]j:gians. 

or that concert or minstrel-show, I simply wave off the fair 
applicant: "I've no use for such things." An invitation to 
a wedding or some such racket comes. If I want to go, 
which is not usually the case, I go : otherwise not, don't pay 
any attention to it, ignore it completely. Soon you blossom 
out as an eccentricity. This opinion, if judiciously fostered, 
will save you manifold vexations. And if by chance you do 
condescend to adorn a gathering, — I don't mean a boil, — 
behold, you are a lion. It pays, old boy, it pays ; it's a great 
scheme. 

Fred {who has been listening abstractedly). By Jove, I 
•have it! 

Harry {pathetically^ aside). All that valuable advice lost ! 
{Aloud) You don't say so. What.'' 

Fred. An idea. 

Harry. Ah, yes ! {Pulling out a note-book.) Happy 
mortal ! Shall it be entered in the archives — or — how ? 

Fred. Don't wax sarcastic, old man. But come, you can 
help me out, and I can satisfy all parties. 

Harry. Now, really, you can't mean it. 

Fred. Yes, I do. Now see here. {Draws chair up to 
him.) You know my aunt hasn't seen me since T was a boy. 

Harry. A little, little boy. {Sings a la Patience^) 

Fred. Just have a little patience, will you ? She wouldn't 
know me from Adam. Now we are about the same size and 
complexion. 

Harry {rises, and stands in front of mantle, war^ning 
himself). Hold on there : I object in large letters. Not but 
what the idea is excellent, but let some other fellow carry it 
out. I'll take mine without sugar. 

Fred. No, you are just the man. Haven't made any 
plans for the summer. Come {going to Jmn), just help me 
out this once. All you have to do is to take my name. 

Harry. Well, but — 

{Enter MiJGGi'i^s followed by two ladies.) 

Muggins. Two ladies to see Massa Fred Parks. {Hands 
Fred cards.) 

Fred {reads. Aside). Mrs. Huntoon, Miss Fanny Mor- 
rison. My aunt, by thunder ! 

Mrs. Huntoon. My dear, dear nephew ! {Offers to em- 
brace him.) 

Harry {who has been about departing, takes in sitjtation. 
Fred sta?tds awkwardly). {Aside.) His aunt, for all I'm 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 7 

worth! {Aloud) Ahem-aha-a! Excuse me, my dear aunt. 
{Looks significantly at Fred.) A slight mistake on the part 
of Muggins. This is my chum, Harry Meredith. 

Mrs. H. {shocked). Oh ! really he — 

Harry. Don't make any excuses. You will only have to 
do your greeting over again. : {Embraces her, and then turns 
towards Y Ai^nY .) And this is — 

Mrs. H. Why, your cousin, Miss Morrison. 

Harry. Ah! to be sure. Very awkward of me. My 
dear cousin, I am charmed to meet you. {Kisses.) Cousins, 
you know. {Aside.) This isn't a bad snap, after all : much 
obliged, Mr. Fred. {Aloud.) Mr. Meredith, Miss Morrison. 

Fanny {to Fred). A very bad mistake on aunt's part, was 
it not? {Aside.) How strangely they both act! 

Yrkd {not yet quite recovered). Ye-es. My only sorrow, 
however, is, you know, that— er— the mistake — er — was not 
discovered later, as it were. I envy my chum. 

Fanny. Oh ! I am afraid that all men are alike. Only 
college men are, perhaps, a little more so. {Sits and talks 
with Fred.) 

Mrs. H. {sits at desk). And now, my dear boy, let me 
come to business. You were so surprised when we came in, 
that I strongly suspect you've not received my letter. 

Harry. No, I haven't. It will probably come in the 
next mail. I was surprised, agreeably surprised, at meeting 
you. It's so very long since I've seen you. {Aside.) Good 
Lord ! there's the letter right at her elbow. I must get her 
away from there. 

Mrs. H. I know it, Fred, and I reproach myself strongly. 
But this summer I mean to make amends. ' I hope you 
have made no plans for spending your vacation, because I 
want you for a good long visit. Fanny has consented to 
spend a month or so with me, and you could have such a 
nice time ! 

Uarky {aside). Well, I should remark. {Aloud) Thanks. 
I'm sure I should be delighted. But — er — won't you take 
this chair {offering one at some distance from the desk)-, it's 
more comfortable. 

Mrs. H. No, thanks: this one is very nice. 
{Enter Muggins with mail; goes to Fred, who doesn't 
notice hi?n.) 

Muggins. Hyar's some mo' letters, Mahrs Fred. {No 
response.) Letters, Mahrs Fred {louder). {Aside.) So busy 



8 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

buzzin' pretty gal, don' hear noffin'. {AloJid.) I say, Mahrs 
Fred {pulls his coat). 

Fred {angrily). Well, what do you want ? 

Muggins. Hyar's some mail. 

Fred {takes letters, and looks at them). These ain't for 
me, you rascal : they're for Fred. 

Muggins. Wha-wha's dat, massa? 

Fred {excitedly). They're for Fred : Fred Parks, — that 
man over there. Can't you tell us apart yet ? 

Muggins. Look a-heah, massa — 

Harry. Come here and give me the letters, and clear 
out. 

Muggins. But, Mahrs Harry — 

Harry {goiiigfor him). Come, vamoose, clear out. {Ex- 
it Muggins expostulating.) 

Fanny {aside). There is some roguery here, and Pll find 
it out. 

Mrs. H. How queerly that negro acts ! Does he make 
such mistakes often ? 

Harry {nin7iing over letters). Oh, no ! or, rather, yes. 
You see, we've had him but a short time. {Aside.) Gad, 
though, Fve a plan for getting her away from that desk. 
{Aloud.) Excuse me, but, Harry, will you come here a mo- 
ment } 

Fred. Certainly. Will you excuse me, Miss Morrison.? 

Harry {aside, showing him letter). For heaven's sake, 
can't you get your aunt away from the table ? Fve said we 
received no letter, and there it is right under her nose. Put 
these in the drawer, can't you, and make her get up ? {Aloud, 
looking mea7iingly at Fred.) A-a-where did you put the 
other letters .'* {Nudges hi7?t.) 

Fred {winking). In the desk. I'll get them. Excuse 
me, Mrs. Huntoon. Might I trouble you for a moment.? 
{Opens drawers, etc., compelling her to move to some dis- 
tance.) Ah, here it is ! {Passes something to Harry. Mrs. 
H. returns.) 

Harry {aside). Good Lord! she's gone back again. 
Let's club her ! 

Mrs. H. {takes up her letter). Why, you naughty boy! 
Isn't this my letter? It looks like my writing. Where can 
my glasses be.? Fanny, won't you see.? {Starts to pass 
letter to Fanny.) 

Fred {shouts). Look out, ladies, there's a mouse ! 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 9 

Ladies {jumphig into chairs). Where, where ? (Fred 
and Harry rush., a?id manage to sweep papers from desk, 
and to get the letter which Mrs. H., in her fright, has 
dropped. They beat about for some time.) 

Harry {puffing, and fixitig collar). There, I guess he's 
frightened, if not beaten, to death. 

Ladies (breathlessly). Has he gone ? 

Fred {leading Fanny to seat). There's no further need 
of concern. He's done for. 

Mrs. H. {returns to table). And, now that beast is dead, 
Where's that letter? {Looks over papers i) 

Harry {aside tapping breast-pocket). Where, oh where ? 
{Alotid.) It must be in this pile somewhere. Allow me to 
look them over for you, though I'm sure it can't be there. 

Fanny. How I do envy you your trip to Saratoga ! and 
you start to-morrow ? What bliss ! A friend of mine spent 
last summer there, and her letters filled me with envy. She 
had quite a flirtation with Fred, I understand. But of course 
you know all about that. 

Fred {apprehensively). Where did she stop ? 

Fanny. Let me see: I think — it — was, yes, I am quite 
sure, — Congress Hall. 

Fred {aside, faintly). Just where I stopped. {Aloud.) 
What was her name ? Perhaps I know her. 

Fanny. Wainwright. Mollie Wainwright. 

Fred {aside). I rather guess I do know all about that 
little flirtation. I shall have to tell Miss Mollie to be more 
careful what she puts in her letters this summer. {Aloud.) 
Oh, yes, I know her. Rather jolly kind of girl, if I remem- 
ber rightly. 

Fanny. What ! were you there too ? 

Fred. Was — I — there — too! {Aside.) Good Lord! 
I've done it now. {Aloud.) Well, not exactly there. You 
see, I happened there, as it were ; boys off on tramp — hap- 
pened there, you see. 

Fanny {aside). Yes : I'm afraid I see more than you 
think I do. 

Fred {nervously). And — and — er — she's to be there 
this summer, I believe. 

* Fanny {confidentially). Now I am going to confide a 
secret to you, — a surprise for Fred. You must not breathe 
a word of it to him. I've prevailed on her to give up Sara- 
toga, and spend the summer with me. 



lO THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Fred. The devil ! 

Fanny {frigidly). Sir ! 

Fred. I — I — beg pardon ; really, I — I — {aside) what 
the deuce shall I say? {Aloicd.) I just thought of — of a 
letter that I should have posted earlier: that's all. You 
said she was to spend the summer with you ? 

Fanny {aside). What excuses he makes, and how ner- 
vous they both seem ! I hope we have not stumbled on any 
thing. {Aloud.) Yes, at least until August. 

Fred {aside). Gad, I must get out of this! {Aloud.) 
Ah — er. Wouldn't you like to take a stroll through the 
grounds? You're aunt will excuse you, Fm sure. She 
probably would like to see Harry — {aside) confound it! — 
{aloud) Fred, I mean, alone. Besides, it's very warm in here. 
{Rises.) 

Fanny {rises). Certainly. I should so enjoy it ! {Aside.) 
Poor fellow, he looks warm ! {Alotid.) Aunt, Mr. Mere- 
dith and I are going out to see the sights. {Exit.) 

Mrs. H. There, now they are gone, I can have a nice 
quiet chat with you. Come and sit right down here beside 
me, and tell me all about yourself. But before you begin : 
haven't you some mending I can do ? Boys are such terri- 
ble creatures on clothes ! 

Harry. My dear aunt, my wardrobe is in the most per- 
fect condition. When any thing gives out, I work it off on 
the Sheenies. So I really don't see as I can indulge you. 
{Aside.) Is this my lot for the summer? 

Mrs. H. How good of you! And are these Sheenies 
a very poor family ? I suppose you have an ample field for 
your charity. You are just like your mother, the dear girl, 
always looking out for the poor. 

Harry {aside). Poor family? Charity? What in the 
world can the old girl mean? Oh, ho, I see! She doesn't 
twig me. I'll pipe her off a little. {Aloud.) Yes, there are 
lots of needy people about, but I have more to do with this 
family than any other. They are a large one, in the first 
place, and are very self-sacrificing. They were originally 
wealthy merchants, but met with heavy losses, and are now 
in very reduced circumstances. But, notwithstanding their 
poverty, they still keep one or two little shops open in the 
vicinity for the convenience of their old patrons. They will 
even lend you money on old clothing, or any thing of that 
kind, if you are temporarily embarrassed, and will return 
your property whenever desired. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. II 

Mrs. H. How noble of them ! What a pleasure it must 
be to do for such people ! 

Harry. Yes, pleasant, but expensive. 
Mrs. H. Expensive? 

HARRy. Ye-es : one feels called on to do so much, you 
know. {Aside.) Once more I breathe. 

Mrs. H. Oh, yes, I see! just like your dear mother. And 
that reminds m£: when did you hear from home last, and 
how were they all? I am positively ashamed of myself. 
I've been owing your dear mother a letter for almost a year; 
and here you have been three years in college, and I haven't 
seen you once. But I should know you anywhere. You 
are the perfect image of your dear mother. Now tell me all 
about them. 

Harry {aside, bracing himself). Now for it. Every man 
for himself, etc. {Aloitd.) The last letter I had didn't have 
much news. They were all as well as usual. 

Mrs. H. And how is Lou? The poor child! Your 
motiier was dreadfully anxious about her when she wrote 
last, — had almost given her up. 

Harry {aside). Who the deuce is Lou ? Never heard 
Fred speak about her. Anyway, I should say that Lou had 
been sick. {Aloud.) Oh, Lou! she's pretty well now, but 
the doctor thinks it will be some time before she entirely 
recovers. 

Mrs. H. What! Has she been ill? I haven't heard 
any thing about it. 

Harry {aside). Bull number one. What the dickens shall 
I say? {Aloud.) Yes, she had a kind of slow fever, and 
was ill for two or three months. 

Mrs. H. Indeed ! I'm so sorry. But what I meant was, 
Did she marry that man ? 

Harry {aside). I see it, methinks. A case of undesirable 
suitor. {Aloud.) Whatman? 

Mrs. H. Why, Fred ! I'm astonished that you should 
say such a thing about your own sister. A girl as modest 
and careful as she is ! I mean that Mr. Cutter, of course. 

Harry {aside). Well, I'm glad to find out the relation- 
ship of Lou. {Aloud.) Oh, she married him about three 
months ago. 

Mrs. H. Lou — married — to — Mr. — Cutter? Why, 
you quite take my breath away. 

Harry {aside). Mine went long ago. 



12 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Mrs. H. You don't mean to say he gave up that other 
girl, and took Lou after all ? 

Harry. Oh, no ! she died a very short time after they 
were married, and then he came back to Lou. 

Mrs. H. I shouldn't have thought your mother would 
have heard of such a thing. Why, it's perfectly scanda- 
lous ! I don't see how she allowe i it ; and Lou too ! Well, 
I never! 

Harry. I never did, myself. 

Mrs. H. When did Mr. Cutter marry Miss What's-her- 
name? 

Harry {aside). Thunder, what a mess I'm in ! {Aloud.) 
About six months ago, I think. 

Mrs. H. Well, that's a good deal to happen to a man in 
six months, — a marriage, death of wife, three months sick- 
ness of former flame, and marriage number two. 

Harry {blankly). Ye-es. He did rather hurry things. 
{Aside.) Confound her! I'd like to throttle her. 

Mrs. H. But tell me, how did your dear mother bear 
the loss of Charley? It must have broken her heart. 

Harry {aside). I guess we'll chance it, that Charley is 
dead. It seems a pretty sure thing. {Aloud.) Mother 
bore it splendidly. We had no idea she would be so recon- 
ciled. {Watches her keenly.) 

Mrs. H. I am so glad! 

Harry {aside). I guess I'm all right this time, so I'll 
enlarge a little just for luck. {Aloud) Yes, she's just the 
same about the house. But she keeps his room just as he 
left it, and she carries flowers to his grave every day, and 
cuts the grass with her own hands, and — and — and — 
Why, what's the matter, Mrs. Huntoon .? 

Mrs. W. {holding up hands). Why, when did it happen ? 

Harry {aside). Crushed again ! Have I made another 
mistake ? No, this man is going to be dead if I die in the 
attempt. {Aloud) It — it happened but a short time ago. 
He was drowned. 

Mrs. H. That's just what I knew would happen. She 
never should have allowed him to enter the navy. There is 
so much danger, and then it's so demoralizing! Though 
I'm sure Charley would never have done any thing wrong. 
You were both so like your dear mother ! But how did it 
happen .? 

Harry. It was off Madagascar — 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 1 3 

Mrs. H. Why, when was he ordered away? I thought 
he was to stay at Key West for lliree years. 

Harry {recklessly). Oh, that was all changed. As I said, 
it was off Madagascar, and some accident happened : now, 
what was it.? Oh ! the main-brace, some rope, broke ; it had 
to be mended, or the ship would go to the bottom. The 
captain called for volunteers. 

Mrs. H. And Charley volunteered. How like his dear 
mother, to — to — what is it they call it when they mend a 
rope ? Ah, yes ! I remember now. I have quite a deal of 
knowledge about vessels : my step-sister's brother was a sea- 
captain. " Let's see: oh, yes! splice is the word. And so 
Charley fell overboard while trying to splice the main-brace, 
and none of the others dared do it, you say ? 

Harry. No, not one. For, you see, it's a very difficult 
thing to do. Every thing seems unsettled, and it's some- 
times very difficult to know when you have spliced sufficient- 
ly: sometimes the motion of the vessel makes it seem as 
though the deck v;as rising right up in your face, and you 
are unable to stand up, and — and — 

Mrs. H. What a graphic description! I trust you have 
not been risking your life? 

Harry {aside). Good Lord ! I wish Fred was here. 
This is rich. {Alotid.) Me? oh, no ! Charley wrote me all 
about it. He's — 

Mrs. H. Wrote you all about it: why, how could that 
be? 

Ha^v^y {aside). What a confounded idiot I am, anyway! 
I wish Fred would hurry up, and take care of his own rela- 
tions. {Aloud.) Why — yes — you see, he's done the same 
thing before : he was probably a little careless. {Aside.) I 
can't manufacture lies much longer. Somehov/ I must put 
a stop to this. Lleavens ! Here she goes again. 

Mrs, H. When did you hear from — {Etitcr Muggins.) 

Harry {aside). A break at last. 

Muggins. Massa Parks wants ter know what train de 
missus wants ter take. 

Mrs. H. Mr. Parks ? 

Harry. Look here. Muggins, I want you once for all to 
understand that my name is" Parks: I should think you had 
been here long enough to know that. 

Muggins (puszled). Ya-as, Massa Ha — Fred. 

Harry. And when you come into a room don't act as 



14 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

though you had a current of electricity running through 
you. 

Muggins. Ya-as, Massa Ha — Fred. {Aside.) Golly, I 
mos' done did it dat time, sho'. 

Mrs. Yi. {hastily looking at watch). Mercy, Fred ! What 
a time we've been here ! — Tell {to Muggins) Mr. Meredith 
and Miss Morrison to return at once. {Exit Muggins.) 
What time does the next train start.'' I've barely time to 
catch the last train home. 

Harry. There is no need of hurrying. You've ample 
time before the next train starts. If you really think you 
must go.'' {Aside) Heaven help us if she don't! 

Mrs. H. Oh, yes ! We must go immediately. I do hope 
I've not detained you from your work, Fred. 

Harry {relieved). The ladies can never interfere with 
my work. 

Mrs. H. You flatterer ! But {anxiously) where can 
those children be ? Ah ! here they come. {Enter Fred 
and Fanny.) 

Fred. Back safe and sound. I hope you haven't wor- 
ried about us. 

Fanny. And just see the specimens that the man in the 
museum gave me. Wasn't it nice of him ? 

Harry. You don't mean to say that old — 

Mrs. H. {interrupting). Excuse me, Fred, but we've not 
a minute to lose. Fanny, won't you help me on with my 
things? Yes, put my shawl over so; and, Fanny, do you 
remember — no, put my bonnet on first — do you remember 
Charley.? — do hurry, my dear. Now my gloves. 

Fanny. Do you mean my cousin Charley Meredith ? 

Mrs. H. Yes. Well, he's — now my parasol — he's dead, 
drowned. 

Fred {excitedly). What ! 

Harry {aside). Ssh, old man. Look out what you say. 

Fred. Yes, I know. But Charley dead .? 

Mrs. H. Did you know him ? I didn't know he'd ever 
been North. — My rubbers, Fanny. 

Harry {aside). Confound it! shut up. It's a bull of 
mine. {Aloud) No, it isn't the Meredith you know: it's my 
brother we are talking about. 

Fred {catching 071). Ah ! pray excuse me. — Allow me to 
assist you with those rubbers, Miss Morrison. 

Fanny {rises). If you would be so kind. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 



15 



Mrs. H. I declare, you are better than Fanny, (/^/ses, 
and stamps rtibbers on.) My dear, is my dress a!l right ? 
Come, we must hurry ! — When may we expect you, Fred ? 
to-morrow.'* 

Harry. Well, I don't know: I hardly think I can come 
down for a few days yet. I have several little matters of 
business to attend to. {Aside.) Get my duds from my 
friends the Sheenies, for one thing. {Aloud.) Fll write as 
soon as I can arrange things. 

PvIrs. H. Well, come as soon as you can, that's all. — 
Fanny, my parasol. There, now all ready } — Good-by. 

Fanny. Just a moment, aunt. {Whispers.) 

Mrs. H. Why, of course. Fred knows we shall be more 
than glad to have him bring any of his friends with him. 

Fanny {saucily to Fred). That is meant particularly for 
you, Mr. Meredith. 

Fred. Ah ! thanks, Fm sure. Pm sorely tempted. 

Fanny. Pshaw! You know you wouldn't give up your 
trip to Saratoga under any consideration. Well, good-by. 
{Chorus ^ood-bys. Exeunt Mrs. H. and Fanny. Harry 
and Fred, as soon as door is closed^ sink exhausted i?ito 
chairs.) 

Harry {beginning to latigh). Fred, my boy, Pve raised 
the old Harry himself with your relations; ha, ha, ha! I 
want to see your next letter from home. It'll be a paralyzer, 
Pll warrant. ^ ' 

Fred {ajixiously). You don't think she suspected any 
thing, do you? ^ 

Harry. She ? no. Nary suspect. But, mark me, that 
little girl did. But come, let's light up, and let me tell you 
how I fooled the old tabby; ha, ha, ha ! {They li^ht cigar- 
ettes.) 

Fred. Well, I can tell you it's no laughing matter for 
me. Pm in a regular funk. 

Harry {soberijig). No ; what is it ? 

Fred. Why, the whole thing is wrong. 

Harry. Now, just a moment, before you go any further : 
don't propose giving up the scheme, because Pve put my 
pile in, and want to see it through. The fair Fanny taketh 
my eye. Yea, verily, she seemeth a toothsome maid. 

Fred. Well, but see here. 

Harry. Avaunt, tempter! Pll not see here. You pro- 
posed the job, and I went in nilly willy. As you sow, so 
shall ye reap. So, so ! 



1 6 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Fred. But confound the luck, man ! Mollie Wainwright 
is not going to Saratoga at all, but is going to Duxbury to 
visit at my aunt's. Now, where am I going to be all sum- 
mer? 

Harry. Ho, ho! ha, ha, ho! What's that — ha, ha — 
you say? Mollie, dear Mollie, going to Duxbury, ha, ha! 
Oh, it's too good to be true ! and you — ha, ha, ah-h-h — you 
gay Lothario are left, decidedly ; ha, ha, he, ho, whoop ! 

Fred {vexed). Funny, isn't it? 

Harry. Funny ? no name for it. 

Fred. Well, see here. It isn't going to be such plain 
sailing for you. You don't know Mollie Wainwright from 
the man in the moon. What are you going to say to her? 

Harry {blankly^. Blame the luck ! that's so. What are 
we to do? It's no use talking about giving up the plan. 
For it would be all up with you and your grandmother, or 
aunt, or whatever she is : that's evident. By Jove, I have 
it ! didn't you wear a full beard last summer? 

Fred. Yes, but I don't see — 

Harry. No matter. You will in a minute. I'll shave, 
that will account for the change in the man she expects to 
meet. Give me some points, and the thing is done. 

Fred. Nice plan, very. Its excellence is only equalled 
by its selfishness. Where am I coming in? It's all very 
nice for you ; but I object, decidedly. 

Harry. It is bad for you, old man. But what can we 
do? Ha! I have it again. I'll confess to Mollie, — throw 
myself on her mercy, tell how she was the cause of it all, 
and make it all right with her. And then you know that in- 
vitation : you can come down and make a visit too. By 
George! {Slappifig him 07i the back.) It's all right: don't 
you see? Once get Miss Mollie on our side, and we can 
carry the thing through, and nobody the wiser. And then I 
told her I couldn't come down for a few days. We can go 
down to the Vineyard with the boys for a week: then one 
morning I'll go down, and you can appear, ostensibly from 
Saratoga, in the afternoon. 

Fred. A born diplomat. Let me look at you. {Tiinis 
him about.) An enormous head ! 

Harry. And packed full, would be more complimentary. 
{Looks at watch.) Gad, it's time we met round the festive 
board. What do you say to a supper in town? we'll get 
Otis, Teddy, and the rest of the gang, hey ? 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. I 7 

Fred. Done ; and we can stay in town all night, and 
leave for the Vineyard early to-morrow. I'll call Muggins. 
He can stay, and pack up our duds whenever we are ready 
to go to Duxbury, and we needn't come out here at all 
again. 

Harry. 'Tis well, my lord. Speed away. 

Fred {goes to door). What, ho ! without there ! Mug- 
gins, I would a word with thee. 

{Enter Muggins.) 

Muggins. Ya-as, Massa Fred, I'se hyar. 

Fred {severely). Now, Muggins, attention. Harry, stand 
beside me. We are to go to Duxbury this summer. You 
are to go with us. 

Muggins. Ya-as, massa. 

Fred. And for this summer he is Fred^ and /am Harry. 
He is me, and I am he. Can you surround that.? 

Muggins, You is him, and him is you? 

Harry. Yes, that's it. Now stick to it. 

Muggins. And who de debbil am I .'' 

Fred. Why, you are much the same as you've always 
been. 

Muggins. All right; I'se do dat, sho'. 

Harry. And now. Muggins, one v/eek from to-morrow, 
pack our trunks, changing them, giving me Fred's, and 
Fred's mine, and meet us at the station at nine a.m. {Turfi- 
ing to Fred.) Then he and I'll go down, and you can 
come later. I'll explain it somehow, so it'll be all right. 
— Now, Muggins, you understand.'* 

Muggins. Yes, massa. 

Harry. All ready, Fred? 

Fred. Yes. {They lock arms >i 

Muggins. But I say, does yer want — 

Harry. Do just as you were told, Muggins. Come 
along, old man. 

Muggins. But I don't — 
(Fred and Harry begin singing " We''?'e dreaming now of 

Duxbury., sweet Dnxburyil'' — rt/r, ^'■Listen to the Mocking- 

Bird^'' — and exit., while Muggins expostulates in vain for 

further directions) 

(Curtain.) 



Entrance. 




O Chair 



Chair O 



Table 



O Chair 




ACT II. 

Sitting-room. Mrs. Huntoon, Fannie, ajtd Mollie loll- 
i?ig about. 

Mrs. H. {at table; throws down book). Well, children, 
Fred will be here in a few minutes now. I am not sorry his 
friend Mr. Meredith has been persuaded to come with him. 
It will be so much pleasanter for you. 

Mollie. Thanks : of course. But you needn't have 
worried on our account. We hardly need boys to amuse us. 

Fanny. No, indeed ! {Goes to 77iirror^ and arranges 
hair.) But, then, it will be a little better. One apiece, you 
know. {Laughs., and nods at Mollie. Enter Kate.) 

Kate. The gentleman has arriv', mum. {Girls hastily 
compose themselves) 

Mrs. H. Bring him right up here. {Exit Kate.) We 
must take him to our hearts at once. {Girls laugh. Enter 
Harry, Muggins, <rz?^^ Kate.) 

Harry {tlirows duster, etc., to Muggins). My dear aunt ! 

Mrs. H. My dear nephew ! {Kisses him) Welcome ! 

Harry. Ah, Miss Fanny ! once more we meet. {Kisses 
her.) 

Fanny. There, sir ; that will do. Now look straight at 
me. Prepare to be surprised. 

Harry {aside). Nary surprise for me. 

Fanny. Prepare to meet your doom. {Turns him toward 
Mollie, who on his entrance goes to rear.) 
i8 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. ig, 

Harry. What ! How is this ? Miss Wainwright here ? 
{Takes both her hands) This is indeed a surprise. I thought 
you were in Saratoga. I'm overjoyed at meeting my doom. 

MoLLiE {langJiing), You may thank your lucky stars that 
your doom met you here. I never should have recognized 
you anywhere else. 

Harry. It's probably the absence of my beard. I 
shaved this summer. We'll only have to get acquainted all 
over agaio. 

Mrs. H. Now, would you like to go to your room? 

Harry. Yes, thanks. It's rather a dusty ride down 
here. (Mrs. H. rings. Enter Kate.) 

Mrs. H. Show Mr. Parks his room, Katy, and tell John 
to carry his trunk up at once. Muggins will help him if 
necessary. {Exeunt Kate, Muggins, a7id Harry. Harry 
throws kiss to girls) 

Mrs. H {looking after him). Isn't he a dear boy, though ! 
So like his mother! 

MoLLiE. Awfully dear. Do you think your command to 
take him to our hearts was sufficiently carried out.? I was 
in mortal terror when he made that plunge at me, for fear 
he intended to include me in the family. But how he's 
changed ! I never saw any thing like it. 

Fanny. I hardly have, myself. A beard makes him 
look a good deal differently. 

Mrs. H. Now, children {rises), I'm going to run down 
stairs, and get him a lunch. He'll need something after his 
ride. If he comes down before I return, you entertain him. 
{Exit.) 

Fanny {looking significantly at Mollie). I think I'll go 
and help aunt. You can entertain him, I imagine. {Exit, 
Mollie expostulating.) 

Mollie {goes to mantle, and finds an old picture of 
Fred). Well, Fred Parks, for once the adage of the leop- 
ard and his spots is wrong; for I never saw a man change 
so completely. His ways, his voice, and his looks are all 
different. Though {laughs) perhaps I've got him mixed up 
with some one else. Anyway, le roi est mort, vive le 7'oi. 
{Clatter outside. Mollie retreats to rear of stage. Enter 
M\5GG\^'i folloived by Harry.) 

Muggins {falls to knees). Please, massa, I done did jes' 
as yer tole me. 

Harry {looking hastily, does not see Mollie). You great 



20 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

blockhead, shut up ! and don't make such an infernal 
racket. 

Muggins. Didn't you tell me you was him, and him was 
you, and to change de trunks an' ebery ting? 

Harry {a^igrily). Yes, but I thought any fool would 
know better than to exchange the clothes. It's a mighty 
lucky thing that Fred's coming to<lay : his shirts {putlhig 
at neck) are about fourteen sizes too small. Come, clear out, 
and finish unpacking that trunk. {Exit Muggins.) Gad! 
suppose Fred wasn't coming for a — {Catches sight ^MOL- 
LIE, ivho has throwji herself into a chair^ and^ when seen, 
bursts out laughing. Aside!) Great Scot ! the cat's out of 
the bag, sure ! Can I say any thing.? 

MOLLIE {sarcastically). How the loss of a beard does 
change one ! Yes, I really think we shall have to get ac- 
quainted all over again. {Rises.) 

Harry. Miss Wainwright, allow me to explain — Fred — 

MoLLiE. Excuse me {cj'osses): wouldn't it be better to 
explain yourself? 

Harry. Beg pardon! I am Harry Meredith, — Fred's 
chum, — at your service. Fred thought you were to be at 
Saratoga this summer, and had his plans all made to go 
there, when his aunt invited him here. He proposed that I 
should come in his stead. Before we had decided any 
thing, his aunt appeared. I acted upon his suggestion, and 
it was only after it was too late that Fred learned you were 
to be here. We could not go back : fortunately, Mrs. Hun- 
toon had invited me to bring any of my friends. Taking 
advantage of this, Fred is coming to-day, relying on me to 
explain all to you. So you see the affair with Muggins only 
hastened matters a little. 

MoLLiE. And so you two fellows have changed places? 

Harry. Exactly ! and now you won't give the thing 
away, will you ? 

MoLLiE. I'll see. 

Harry {aside). See! Great Caesar! if she does tell 
them, what in the dickens shall I do? Here I've been kiss- 
ing the old lady and her niece, and the Lord knows what 
not ! I'm a fool for ever having gone into the thing ! 
{Enter Mks,. H. with tray. IsloiAA'^ clears table, and sits.) 

Mrs. H. Ah, my dear, down so soon? Has Mollie been 
taking good care of you ? I thought I'd bring you up a little 
lunch, after your journey. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 2 1 

Harry. Thanks : you are very kind, but you shouldn't 
take the trouble. (S//s and eats ravenously, eying Mollie 
7iervojisly, who is laicghing at him.) 

Mrs. H. Why, Mollie, what pleases you so ? 

_ Mollie. I was only thinking of a story that I read last 
night. Let me assist you in helping Mr. Parks: he seems 
very hungry. {Rises, and sits opposite Harry.) 

Harry {aside). Confound the girl ! but she makes a mis- 
take, when she tries bluff at the "table. {Helps himself de- 
liberately to every thing passed him.) 

Mrs. H. This carries me back to my school days: it did 
seem as though I never could eat enough, vacations. School 
tables are such meagre things ! 

Mollie. Did you say, Mr. Parks, they were very poor, 
where you are .? j ^ ■> 

Harry. Do you mean poor as regards food or manners ? 

Mollie. Both. 

Mrs. H. What time does Mr. Meredith arrive ? 

Harry {pushing away from the table). About half-past 

le. ^ 



one. 



Mrs. H. Then I will order dinner at'two ; but won't you 
have something more ? 

Harry. No, thanks : really, I couldn't. 

Mollie. I hope I haven't taken away your appetite. 

Harry. That would be impossible. 

Mollie {significantly). Would it, indeed ! I wonder if — 

Mrs. H. Well, if I cannot persuade you, I will have 
Katy remove the lunch. {Ri7igs. Enter Kate.) 

Mrs. H. Dinner at two, and you may take away the tray 

Kate. Yes, mum. {Exit with tray.) 

Mrs. M. {sits). I see you still have Muggins. Does he 
make as bad mistakes as ever.? You see {turning to Mol- 
lie), we called on Fred at his room. I hadn't seen him 
for so long, that I didn't know him ; and Muggins gave our 
cards to Fred's chum by mistake. It was very awkward for 
a m^oment. {Enter Fanny.) 

Fanny {leaning on back of Mrs. H.'s chair). Awkward ! 
Well, I should remark. You came very near losin^ your 
cousinly greeting {to Harry) by it, that's all. "^ 

Mollie {as she speaks, Harry starts). I shouldn't think 
you would keep such a stupid fellow, Mr. Parks : one such 
occurrence ought to be enough. And then, consider the 
loss you came near sustaining. 



22 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Harry {aside). Gad ! I thought she was going for me 
that time, sure. {Aloud:) It "would be, but fortunately 
such contretemps are almost unheard of in the lives of us 
Benedicts. 

Fanny. Us Benedicts, indeed ! Mollie's letters of last 
summer rather refute your right to that title. My! that 
makes me think. The postman came while I was down 
stairs. Here's the mail, auntie. {Hands letters.) 

Mrs, H. {naming them over). Ah ! Here is a letter from 
home, Fred. I wrote just as soon as-I got here. Excuse 
me all if I read it. {Looks for glasses.) Where are my 
glasses .? I had them but a moment ago. 

Harry {aside). A letter! Dished by the great horn 
spoon. 

MOLLIE {eyi?tg him). Oh, now we shall hear all about 
that terrible accident to your brother. 

Harry. Let me read it for you, aunt, if you can't find 
your glasses. (Fanny a7td Mollib join in search.) 

Fanny. I don't see them anywhere. 

Harry {nervously). Never mind. Don't look any longer. 
I'll read the letter. {Takes it. Aside) Confound those girls I 
why don't they stop ? 

MoLLiE. They must be found some time: now is as good 
as any. Victory ! {Holds them up.) Now, Mr. Parks, we 
don't need your assistance. 

Harry {returjis letter, and coolly leans on ?nantle). Now 
keep a stiff upper lip, old man : it's coming. 

Mrs. H. {reading). Why, she doesn't say thing about 
what I wrote. What can it mean ? Oh, here it is ! " Fred 
must have been giving you some of his nonsense. Lou is at 
home here, and has been nicely ; and Charley is still at Key 
West." {Rises, lets letters fall.) Well, sir, I am ashamed 
of you, — ashamed of you, sir. The idea, the idea of play- 
ing such a joke, such a stupid joke on me, sir! It's prepos- 
terous, it's preposterous. No, sir, not one word. {Exit.) 

Fanny {laicghing). O Fred, what made you do it 1 Aunt 
positively hates all such things. But it was too good, any- 
way. {Rises.) I'll take her "letters to her, and try to ap- 
pease her. She'll get over it in a little while, I guess. 
{Exit.) 

Harry {walking to and fro, aside). What a fool I was 
not to think of her writing, and getting an answer ! A pretty 
mess I'm making of it. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 23 

MoLLiE. How is your appetite now? 

Harry {aside). 1 thirst for a certain damsel's gore. 
(Aloud.) Come, why didn't you let me read the letter? 
Then I could have made it all right. 

MoLLiE {laughing). Really Mr. Meredith, I didn't think 
of there being any thing of the nature of an expose^ in the 
letter; but I hardly think it would have made much differ- 
ence if I had. It was nothing more than due recompense. 

Harry {aside). Come to think of it, it isn't so bad, after 
all. The old lady is in a tiff because I fooled her. By 
Jove! Ye feline still remains in ye bag. {Aloud.) I have 
taken a little mental tonic. Miss Wainwright, and will tell 
you that my appetite is unshaken. I feel no concern for 
yours, laughter is such an excellent stimulus. But come, 
let us bury the hatchet. They evidently expect you to en- 
tertain me. Do not disappoint them. There is some time 
yet before Fred will arrive : shall we meantime look through 
the grounds ? 

MoLLiE {quizzically). Can I trust myself with such a 
deceiver? 

Harry. What has your experience taught you? 

MoLLiE. Now, Mr. Meredith, don't ask me to be uncom- 
plimentary. But, yes {rises), we'll bury the hatchet. But 
mind you don't try any more pranks. I declare, I don't know 
but what the deception began last summer, and that you are 
really Mr. Parks. My only sorrow would be that the delu- 
sion had not lasted longer. 

Harry. Thanks. Believe me the most innocent of 
mortals. {Exit both. Enter Kate.) 

Kate (fixes fire). Och, that dahncin naygar ! Shure, I 
wonder will he sthop the summer here ? Ah's me if he does ! 
{Enter Muggins. Kate, aside.) Arrah, thin, there comes 
the spalpeen. Up to some divilment, I'll warrant. Perhaps 
I don't see you, you haythen. {Sings.) 

Muggins {aside). Golly now, jus' wait: I has a scheme, I 
has. {Takes pin out of coat, and feels point) Guess dat's 
sharp 'nuff. {Steals tip behind Kate, ajid holds it close to 
her cheek. Aloud) I say, Missus Kate ? 

Kate {turns head). Well, you black — oh, oh ! my cheek ! 
{Jumps up.) Shure, I'm dead kilt intirely. Oh, oh! the 
murderin' haythen ! {Runs after him.) Jist let me lay my 
two hands on yer black carkiss for wan minit. (Muggins 
exits ^ deftly avoiding Mrs. H., who enters. Kate runs into 
her) 



24 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Mrs. H. {standing in doorway^. Why, why ! what does 
this mean, Katy? 

Kate. Shure, mum, I was only — 

Mrs. H. There, there, girl, don't make any excuses. 
What do you mean by such conduct ? 

Kate. Shure, mum, I was only chasin' that black 
naygar. 

Mrs. H. What black n-egro ? I see none about here. 

Kate. Indade, thin, he was here a minit ago. {Rubs 
cheeky Shure, he rin past ye when ye came in. 

Mrs. H. {enteri7tg the room). Run past me when I came 
in, nonsense ! I am not quite blind yet. Katy, you have 
been drinking again. What did I tell you ? 

Kate {falls to knees, crying). By all the saints, I haven't 
touched a drap since I promised ye. Oh, woes is me ! 
Shure, you belave me, don't ye? An' me a poor workin' 
girl ! Oh, ho ! Shure, I only kim in here to fix the bit fire, 
wdiin that haythen, God bles's him ! no, I don't mean that. 
He kim in, and sthuck a pin way in my cheek, and not a drop 
have I tasted. 

Mrs. H. Well, well ! get up, and don't make such a 
noise. We shall have the police in here before we know it. 
{Sits at table) 

Kate. An' ye won't discharge me, and me a poor 
workin' girl. Shure, I haven't bin wid ye long enough to 
ask for a character. 

Mrs. H. Discharge you? No: don't be such a fool. 
{Exit Kate.) It does seem as though every thing went 
wrong to-day. The idea of that scamp of a nephew of mine 
playing such a trick on me ! {Calls.) Fanny, Fanny ! where 
is that girl ? Fanny ! 

Fanny {outside). Yes, auntie : just a moment. {Enters) 
What is it ? 

Mrs. H. {crossly). Will you get my watch ? It's almost 
time for my estimable nephew's friend to arrive. 

Fanny {putting arm about her neck). Oh, come now ! 
Don't judge him too harshly. You know college boys are 
full of such pranks. I'm sure he is sorry. 

Mrs. H. I shall believe that when he says so. {Bell 
rings.) 

Both. There he is. 

Mrs. H. And Fred not here! Where is he? {Enter 
Fred a?id Muggins.) 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 25 

Mrs. H. Welcome, Mr. Meredith! I'm very glad to 
see you. 

Fred. Thanks. 

Fanny. Really, I hardly believed you would forego the 
pleasure of Saratoga. 

Fred. Now,_yo2e ought not to say that. 

Mrs. H. Muggins, take Mr. Meredith's bag to his room. 
(Ex/^ Muggins.) Have you had a pleasant visit, Mr. Mere- 
dith ? 

Fred (all sit). Yes, quite. But my starting for Dux- 
bury was the best part of it. 

Fanny. Flattery so soon ! What shall we come to ? 

Fred. But where is Fred 1 I half expected him at the 
station. 

Fanny. Now you don't mean that. Remember, Miss 
Wainwright is here. 

Fred {uneasily). Is — is he as attentive as ever? 

Mrs. H. Attentive ? They are together all the time. 

Fanny. Your face is so long : one would think you were 
smitten yourself. But it can't have progressed so very far, 
for Fred only arrived this morning. (Harry heard laughing 
outside^ 

Mrs. \i. irises). Ah! there he is. {All rise.) 

Fred {aside). Now, keep your wits about you, old boy. 
Heavens ! supposing Harry hasn't had a chance to make it 
all right with her ! {Enter Harry and Mollie.) 

Harry. 'Tis he! 'tis he! {Throws his arm about his 
neck.) 

Fred {anxiously, aside). Is it all right } 

Harry {aside). Ssh — yes. {Aloud) Glad to see you, 
old fellow. So you concluded to give the city of spring 
waters the go-by. Right glad of it ! Allow me to present 
my chum, Mr. Meredith, to Miss Wainwright. 

Fred {bowing nervously). Ah — yes — really charmed. 
I feel I almost know Miss Wainwright. I've heard her 
spoken of often. Yes — you know — {They sit and talk) 

Harry. Now, my dear aunt, do give me a chance to 
explain. 

Mollie {aside). How well he does it! It would be a 
shame to expose them. 

Harry. Won't you forgive that stupid joke of mine? 
I don't know what put it into my head. 

Fanny. Yes, auntie, do. 



26 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Mrs. H. {sits^ severely). What made you say such a 
thing ? What object could you have had ? Your dear 
mother must have been surprised, to say the least. 

Harry. I hardly know, myself. But after one begins 
those things he has to put them through. 

Fanny. You didn't deceive me one bit. I knew that 
there was something up. 

Harry {aside). Didn't I, though ? 

Mrs. H. Well, I'll forgive you this time. But don't 
ever do such a thing again. Now, I suppose you boys 
would like to talk over things alone ; so we will leave you. 
Come, children. {Rises.) 

MoLLiE (rising). Certainly; and allow them to smoke, 
and talk us over. Spare us if possible, won't you.? 

Harry. You know we sha'n't be able to say any thing 
uncomplimentary. 

MOLLIE. Thanks. 

Fred {aside). Gad, I don't know about that ! 

Mrs. H. Now, make yourselves perfectly at home. 
Smoke as much as you please, and ring if you get tired 
of your own society, or want for any thing. {Exeunt 
ladies^ 

Fred {angrily). Well, you have made a pretty mess, 
and feathered your nest nicely. Haven't you? (Harry, 
astonished, inakes no reply). Here Mollie ignores me com- 
pletely. I began talking about our good times last summer, 
and all she said was {mimics\ " Oh, did Mr. Parks tell you 
about that? It was too jolly for any thing; " and then pro- 
ceeded to give me details. As though I didn't know it all ! 
{Pauses. Harry begins to whistle.) I say, it's coming 
down rather hard on a fellow. {Walks up a7id down.) 
Gad, I don't believe you have told her at all ! It's a blamed 
low trick ! 

Harry {sharply). Fred ! 

Fred. Well, of course, I don't mean that I've no doubt 
you told her every thing. 

Harry. Well, then I wouldn't say I had. 

Fred {walking to and fro). I shouldn't; and beg your 
pardon, old boy ! But, see here : isn't it hard ? she can't 
seem to get the idea of our exchange through her head. 

Harry. Well, I hardly think I should lose much sleep 
over such a girl as that. I'll be hanged if I do ! 

Fred. Yes, you would too, if you felt as I do. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 27 

Harry {going in front of Jiijn). Parks, you don't mean 
to say that you care for that girl ? 

Fred. I do care for Miss Wainwright. 

Harry. And would marry her? 

Fred. And would marry her. 

Harry. Propose, then. 

Fred. But how the deuce can I ? She can't be made to 
realize who I am. 

Harry. That is rather bad ; but then she knows the 
facts, and must be just humbugging you. {Sits) 

Fred. You don't care for her yourself, do you ? 

Harry. Great heavens, man, you must be crazy ! I care 
any thing for her? Not by a large, a very large, majority! 
Is that what has been gnawing at your vitals ? Don't let it 
worry you for an instant. Nonsense, man ! But I'll tell 
you how we can manage it all. I'll write a note, asking Miss 
Fanny out to ride. You Avrite, and propose to MoUie; and 
while I am av^^ay you can have the thing out: hey? 

Fred {shakes hand). Done, by Jove ! Where's the where- 
withal for our nefarious scheme ? 

Harry. Here's the stuff in this drawer. {Produces pens^ 
etc) Now sit down over there, and we will indite our several 
epistles. {Both sit. Harry dashes off note. Reads.) " My 
dear Miss Fanny, may I have the pleasure of a ride on the 
beach this aft ? " That's all right. {Seals and directs) 
Now, as usual, I suppose you want some help on your effort, 
young one. 

Fred {nunpling hai?-). Blame it all ! It's bad enough to 
propose face to face. But this writing, — oh! it makes me 
tired. {Throws down pen) I can't do it. 

Harry. Pshaw ! Yes, you can too. Take up your pen, 
and I will dictate. (Fred does so) " My own sweet one." 

Fred. Oh, blow that ! Give us something decent, or 
shut up. 

Harry {aside). It was always thus. {Aloud) Well, 
how does " My respected maiden " strike you ? (Fred leaves 
table) Hold on ! come once more for the boys. I'll brace 
up. 

Fred {returns). All right, go ahead then. 

Harry. " My dear Miss Wainwright." {Pajises) 

Fred. Well, go on. I've got that down. 

Harry. " It is needless almost for me to say that I love 
you, — madly, passionately, love you ! " {Tragically) 



28 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 



Fred. Isn't that rather crowding the mourners.? 

Harry. Well, if the style is too rich for your blood — 

Fred. No, no. Go on. That's all right. 

Harry. Well, let's see, where was I? Oh, yes ! "Madly, 
passionately. Would that my pen could adequately frame 
sentences indicative of the aforesaid love ! " 

Fred {tears up note). Come, you can't be such a fool as 
to think she'll take any stock in such taffy as that ! Don't 
make a clown of yourself. 

Harry {aside). Poor thing! {Alotid.) Well, then, no 
more fooling. Just write a plain straightforward statement. 
You can say, " My dear Miss So-and-So, it will be no sur- 
prise to you, to learn that I love you." {Aside.) That sounds 
kind of sickish. {Aloud.) Then you can ask if it's returned, 
and all that sort of thing, you know. {Rises.) Hang it ! I 
can tell you, this cold-blooded proposing is N. G. 

Fred {sits and writes slowly). There ! I guess that'll do. 

Harry. Fire it off, old man ! Let's see if it has any 
tunes in it. 

Yv.Y.Yy {laughing sheepishly). No, I'd rather not. Let me 
send it off before I get sick of it. (Harry calls. Enter 
Muggins.) 

Muggins. Did yer call me, sah ? 

Harry. Yes. Take these notes to the young ladies, and 
bring back the answers ; and be quick too. 

Muggins. Ya-as, massa. {Aside.) Dey is a-plottin' al- 
ready : my eye, won't dere be a right smart row ! {Exits.) 

Harry {slaps Fred 07t back). Now, brace up, old man ! 
The die is cast. We have crossed the Rubicon. The worst 
that can happen isn't so very bad. Blow a cloud.'* {Sits. 
Offers cigarette. Both smoke.) This is the thing to drive 
away dull care. {Pause.) 

Fred. Suppose she shouldn't.'' 

Harry. Suppose who? Shouldn't what? 

Fred. Why, suppose she shouldn't accept me. 

Harry. What! thinking of that still? Oh, go for some 
other girl. 

Fred {rises). Meredith, you haven't one particle of feel- 
ing. 

Harry. Pinch me and see. But what's the use in get- 
ting into such a huff ? That's what you have done no end 
of times. 

Fred. But I never was so hard hit as this. 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 29 

Harry {rising). Do you really mean that you are in for 
it? 

Fred. As deep as I know how. 

Harry. Then I'll have to come the great Heaven-bless- 
you act sooner, by a good deal, than I expected. Just thmk 
of it ! Fred Parks, the great unterrified, in love. Wonders 
will never cease. Let me congratulate you. 
Fred {faintly). Isn't it rather previous .? 
Harry. But see here. Something bothers me. We 
can't get along without giving every thing away to your 
aunt, some time or other. Now, I understand from Miss 
Fannie, that she is quite taken with Mollie. If you come 
out all right, why wouldn't it be a scheme to tell the truth 
and shame the Devil ? . 

Fred. Perhaps it would. {Sits.) But wait until my 

present trials are over, before you propose any thing new. 

My brain seethes nov;. ,^ .„ , . , 

Harry. Poor thing! Let her seethe. 'Twill do it good 

to have a stirring-up once in a while. , x tt 

Fred. Where can Muggins be? {Goes to door.) He 
ought to be back by this time. . 

Harry. You can't expect a young lady to make a decis- 
ion which may affect her whole life, in one short half-hour. 
Fred. Here he comes. {Sits. Enter Muggins.) 
Harry. Well, have you the answers ? 
Muggins. Ya-as, massa. {Hands tiote to each.) 
Fred {nervously^. All right : clear out ! 
Muggins. Ya-as, massa. {Aside) Needn't be so peart 
'bout it, dough. {Exit) 

Harry {lata^hing). Go it, young one, and have it over 
with. (Fred 'hesitates, opens note, and reads.) 

YiAK^Y {reading). "No." {Aside.) Well, that s cool ! 
Short and sweet is my lady's motto. She wouldn t be so 
infernally stuck up if she knew why I asked her. 

Fred {slaps him on back). Wake up ! Now you may con- 
gratulate me. Lo'.the gods are propitious. Just hsten. 
{Reads.) "Certainly, with pleasure : will be down directly 
Tell Mrs. Huntoon." How is that for high? Why don t 

YOU enthuse ? , , , ^ 1 x 

Harry. Ah-er, yes, of course I do ; both congratulate 
you and enthuse. Nice girl, etc., etc., ad infinitum. {Aside.) 
My head against a pumpkin, that the blamed darky has 
mixed the notes all the same. 



30 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

Fred {excitedly). Well, how about your ride ? Are you 
going before long? 

Harry {laughs). Don't worry, I'll give you all the chance 
in the world. Miss Fanny does not feel disposed for a ride. 
But I'll take myself out of the way: I'll smoke in the gar- 
den, Maud. {Exit, 7'eturns^ dumb show that Mollie is coin- 
ing, exit. Enter Mollie.) 

Mollie {aside). I guess Master Parks is getting enough 
of his deception : I hated to write as I did, but he'll propose 
again fast enough. {Sits at piano. Fred steals up and em- 
braces her) 

Fred. My own darling ! 

Mollie {breaking away). Sir! What does this mean? 

Fred. What — does — this — mean? Oh, come, don't 
plague me any more. {Offers to enibrace her.) 

Mollie. Sir ! 

Fred. Oh, say ! That's too bad on a fellow when you 
have just accepted him. 

Mollie. Accepted him, indeed ! Pray, young sir, do 
they teach reading at the school you attend ? {Sits on piatio- 
stool.) 

Fred. Yes, and ethics too. Perhaps I had better trans- 
late that last for you. It's the science of morals. As for 
the reading, will you have the kindness to peruse that for 
me ? {Hands note ) 

Mollie {coolly., atid returning it). I ngver wrote that. 

Fred. What ! why, it was handed to me not five minutes 
ago. 

Mollie. Well? {Plays a few chords.) 

Fred. Well? Is that all you have to say ? Didn't you 
receive a proposal from me ? 

{Enter Fanny.) 

Fred. Confound that girl ! What is she here for? 

Fanny {aside). I guess I've interrupted something. 
What shall I do ? {Aloud.) Oh ! there's Fred now. By-by. 
{Exit.) 

Mollie. What made you look so excited, Mr. Parks ? 
You were saying something about a proposal as you were 
interrupted. 

Fred {aside). Guess we'll try another tack. {Aloud) 
You are right : I was speaking. {Leans nonchalantly against 
table) 

Mollie {after waiting so7ne time, aside). I'm afraid I've 



THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 3 1 

gone too far. {Coughs, rustles music : Fred pays no atten- 
tion. Rises as if to leave the room, turns and cotnes to 
Fred's side) 

MoLLiE. Fred ! 

Fred. Well? 

MOLLIE. I did receive a proposal. 

Fred. I'm very glad. Ah-er, may I congratulate you ? 

MoLLiE. Yes. 

Fred. Darling ! {Embraces her) Muggins must have 
changed the notes. I'll thrash the rascal within an inch of 
his life when I catch him. 

MOLLIE. No, let him go. It's all right now. 
{Enter Muggins.) 

Muggins {coughs). I'm not lookin', massa. {Both start.) 
But Massa Fred wants ter know, ken he come in? He 
says as it's cold outen dar. 

Fred {laughing). Tell him and everybody else to come 
right in. {Exit Muggins.) I sent him off, MoUie, so as to 
meet you alone. 

{Enter Harry.) 

Harry {aside). I was right ! {Aloud.) Children, kneel 
at my feet. {They do.) Heaven bless you ! {Wipes his eyes. 
Enter Mrs. H.) ^ 

Mrs. H. Why ! what does this mean ? 

Harry. It means that these two young people have 
taken each other for better or for worse. 

Mrs. H. {sits a7id fajis herself). Well, this beats me ! 
In my time, courting was a matter of months rather than 
hours. And, beside, I thought you were the favored one. 
{Sits at table) 

Harry {crosses). Let me explain things a Httle. 

Fred. No, let me. I'm the one to do it. It was more 
my fault. {Enter Fanny.) 

Fanny. Oh ! is it all right? {Kisses Mollie.) 
{E filer Muggins, chased by Kate.) 

Katie. Mrs. Huntoon, 1 gives ye my week's warnin'. 
I'll not sthay in the house wan more minit wid that black 
ijet. Ah, ye spalpeen ! {Runs at him) 

Muggins {dodges behind Harry). Oh, please, massa, 
don' let her cotch me ! 

Mrs. H. Tut, tut! What's all this to-do about? A 
week's warning? What do you mean? 

Harry. Muggins, you rascal, what have you been 



32 THE COOL COLLEGIANS. 

doing? — Kate, my girl, don't mind him. He shall leave 
to-morrow. (Kate and Muggins go to rear.) He's prob- 
ably {to Mrs. H.) been playing some prank; but it shall be 
his last one here. 

Mrs. H. Well, all right; but what — who — Gracious, 
how I am flustered ! Somebody was going to explain some- 
thing. 

Fred (Mollie and he stand in front of Mrs. H.) Yes, 
aunt : you have been deceived all along. I am your nephew, 
and this {to Harry) is my chum. We boys changed names. 
I thought Mollie was to be at Saratoga this summer, and 
wanted to be there, so got Harry to take my place. So it is 
all my fault. Now, forgive us once more, and let me intro- 
duce your nephew and hisfancee. 

Mrs. H. Why, you take my breath away. Well, I 
must say — No matter; I forgive you. So this is my 
nephew and niece ! {Embraces Mollie aiid Fred.) 

Harry. So, Miss Fanny, you were deceived, after all. 
{Aside.) Gad! so much embracing, and all that sort of 
thing awakens feelings long dead within me. By Jove ! I'll 
do it. Muggins and Kate shall be the only elements of 
discord. {Holds out his hands to Fanny. Aside.) Wilt 
thou ? and she wilted. (Fanny co7nes to him shyly. They 
go to Mrs. H.) 

Harry. Our turn next, if you please. Your niece and 
new nephew ! 

Mrs. H. {covtpletely overcome). What, you two ? Well, 
who would have thought it.? Well — I — yes — I suppose 
I must. Are there any more ? 



O O 

Kate. Muggins. 



O 
Mrs. Huntoon. 



R. 






Vo« wiFr And nothiiig but nrm Gem* in thx ^' **►«»«• *»le*4i««« \m ft» 

Reading-Club and Handy Speaker. 

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A Royal Princesii ^r**'*r?^ ?' ^ff* 

A Reminiscence O. B. Hooker, DJ- 

The Last Uymn Martannt Fam%ntfP^m 

The Fool's Prayer ^^"i,*^- ,^ 

The Dend Student W%U CarUton, 

Greatest Walk on Record 

Drawing Water _ _ . ^a^^u^ 

This Side and That George Macdon^t^ 

Civil War Anonymous, 

A Modem Sermon „^ ^ ^^ 

ThatC^alf Phoebe Canf. 

The New Dixie O. L. C. 

The National Game ,«„,j^ 

DupJe Mellick Dines with hlB Master . . . J. X. Eggleston. 

Mmid's Misery „ . ., ^-n.^^ 

San Benito ^^^ ^'J^^"^ 

Bow Randa went over the River . . . • C^ C. Coffln. 

The Ladies 'Sf"'"* ^"i^ln- 

Two Fishers Harper's Weekiif. 

Left Alone at Eighty v^.*^ 

•* Dashing Rod," Trooper S. Conant Foster, 

Orient Yourself Horace Mann. 

Rhymes at Random _ . „^ 

The Carpenter's Wooing, and the Seqael . . Tawcob StrauM, 

A Humorous Dare-Devil • Bulwer. 

Hohenlinden Campbell. 

St. Leon's Toast * „ „ « ^v 

The Patriot Spy • •• • • • • ••*'• •'"• rxncn. 

Bow Neighbor Wilkins got Religion . . . James Be^ry Bensei 

Jim Wolfe and the Cats Mark Twam. 

Pledge to the Dead W%U%am Winter. 

A London Bee Story 9^'^" ^ . u^ 

A College Widow ^c<a ColunUnana. 

»♦ He Giveth His Beloved Sleep " .... J. C. HunttngUm. 

Hannibal at the Altar Ehjah Kellogg. 

Creeds of the Bells J.W.Bungay. 

r/.H.T."'?"^.^°f''. :::::: co^« «•«.«— 
j:jlgri?rtr;^«' :::::::: s^Mscan^ 

The Irish Boy and the PrieBt 

The Retort 

A Free Seat 

Paddle Your Own Canoe 

AH '8 Well that Ends Well 

Jimmy Butler and the Owl iSf^^CtS^ ^ . 

A Modern Heroine BUz^h Cumim^t. 

Down Hill with the Braket Off 1- H. Jessop. 

On the Channel Boat O. L. C. 

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Paul Clifford's Dafence . . 
The Outlaw's Yarn . 
Labor is Worship • .• • . 
The Legend of the White Hand 
Two Dreams . . • • 
People will Laugh . 
" Christianos ad I^eones '. " . 
Ballad of the Bell-Tower . 
A Sermon for the Sisters 
Mrs, Brown at the Play 
Dutch Security .... 
From One Stand-point . 
The Captive .... 
The Peril of the Mines . 
Aunt Phillis's Guest 
Annie's Ticket .... 
Along the Line .... 
The Divorce Feast . 
Tlie Indian Warrior's Defence 
The Farmer and the Barrister 
Yankee Courtship . 
London Zoological Gardens 
Apples — A Comedy 

Old Grimes 

Daisy's Faith ...» 
Father William . 
Parody on " Father William " 
The Grave of the Greyhound 
A New Version of the Parable of 
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The Fast Mail . . , ^ , 

De 'Sperience ob de Reb'rend Quacko 
The Patter of the Shinr-'" 
The Girl of the Crisis 
The Rich Man and the Poor Man 
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Shiftless Neighbor Ball 
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The Baron's Last Banquet 
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No Color Line hi Heaven 

Ginj^erbread San Francisco Argonavt. 

A Night Watch 

Tlie Loves of Liicinda Mark Melville. 

The Widow of Naiu N. P. Willis. 

The Tomato Charles F. Adams. 

Lookout Mountain, lSfi3— Beutelsbach, 1880 Geo. L. Catlin. 

The Little Girl's Song Sydney Dobell. 

" Papa says so, too " Jennie T. Hazen Lewis, 

The I'oetry of Iron Burlington Hawkeye. 

Hannah 

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Don Squixet'8 Ghost Harry Bolingbroke, 

The Kiut,''8 Rell Men E Rexford. 

The I'ramp of Shiloh Joaquin Miller. 

Johnny on Snakes 

Antony to Cleopatra Gen. Wm. H Lytle. 

Cleopatra Dying . . . . . • . Thorn. S. Collier. 

Cheek Phillips Thompson. 

The Right must Win ...... Frederic William Faber. 

Make the Host of Everything .... 

The Dagger Scene from " The Wife '> . .J. Sheridan Knowles, 

The Calif Ida T. Thurston. 

The Man Avich didn't drink Wot ter . 

Mice at Play Neil Forrest. 

Jan Steener's Ride John W. Chadwick, 

Setting a Hen 

The Marked Grave Lillie E. Barr. 

A Very Naughty Little Girl's Views of Life 

The Dandy Fifth Frank IT. Gassnway. 

The Holly Branch " lirnvmie.'^ 

Antoinette Francis A. Durivage. 

Clanbel's Prayer Lynde Palmer. 

The Marriage of Santa Claua .... 

A Similar Case 

Selling the Farm Beth Day. 

'• He and Siie " Edwin Arnold. 

The Legend of the Organ-builder . . . Julia C. R. Dorr. 

The One-Legged Goose 

The Owl Critic James T. Fields. 

Time Robertson. 

The Sleep Mrs. K B. Bronming. 

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Building and Being From "Geraldine.^ 

The Round of Life Chambers^ Journal. 

The Clown's Baby . Margaret Vandegrijl. 

Our Baby • . . 

Sooner or Later Harriet Prescott Spofford, 

Autumn Thoughts Bill Nye. 

The Cruise of the Monitor George AF. Baker. 

No Yearning for the Baautifiil . • . . Max Adeler. 

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The Widow to her Son The Dublin Freeman, 

The Banker and the Cobbler . . • • . La/ontaine. 

Rather Embarrassing 

Saving Mother . . • • . 9 * • 

The Sharpshooter's Miss Frank H. Gassaway, 

Brudder Johnson on 'Lectiioity . • * . 

Union of Blue and Gray Paul H. Hayne, 

The Jackdaw of Rheims . . . . . . Barham. 

Death ofthe Old Wife 

Squire Houston's Marriage Ceremony • . 

The Baffled Book Agent 

Scene from Mary Stuart Schiller. 

A Christmas Elegy 

Conversion of Colonel Quagg George Augustus Sola, 

The Confession Lover. 

A Court Ladv F. Barrett Browning, 

Tickled all Oafer 

A Penitent Margaret Eytinge, 

Nebuchadnezzah • Erwin Ruscel. 

Death of Steerforth Dickens. 

The Serenade 

The " Ole Marster's " Christmas . . . . Atlavta Constitution, 

How the Colonel took it . . . . . • Walter Thornhury. 
Robert Emmett's Last Speech .... 

The Parting Lovers Mary E. Day, 

This Means You, Girls ...•«. Peck^s Sun. 

Ramon Bret Harte, 

The Vay Rube Hoffenstein Sells .... 

Wild Weather Outside Margaret E. Sangtt€T, 

Young Grimes B. P. Shillaber. 

Autumn Leaves. A Comedietta • • . 

Hark! • • • . Rose Terry Cooke. 

Intensely Utter . Albany Chronicle, 

Charge of the Heavy Brigade .... Tennyson. 

The Chain of Gold 

Garfield J. G. Blaine. 

No Time like the Old Time ..... Anonymous. 

Carcassonne Gustave Kadaud. 

The Mate of the Betsey Jane .... Anonymous. 

Sold by all booksellers and neiosdealers, and sent by mail, post paid. Oft 
receipt of price. 

LEE & SHEPARD, Publishers, Boston. 



THE GLOBE DRAMA. 



Price, 25 Cents each. 



I. COUPON BONDS. A Drama in Four Acts. By J. T. Trowbridge. 
Dramatised from the story of that name. Seven male, ihree Jtmale 
characters. Three scenes. Modern costumes. Easily produced. 

3. UNDER A VEIL.. A Comedietta in One Act. l?y Sir Randall Roberts, 
Bart. Two male, three female charai tei 8. Scene, interior. Double room. 
Time in repn sentation, thirty minutes. 

.1. CLASS DAY. A Farce in One Act. By Dr. Francis A. Harris. Four 
male, three female characters. Scene, interior. Played at Harvard wiih 
great success. 

4. ISETTEIt THAN GOLD. A Drama in Four Acts. By George M. 

Baker. Five male, tour female characteis. One interior; same for the 
four acts. 

5. MIIS. WALTHROP'S BACHELORS. A Comfdy in Three Acts. 

Translated ahd i.djipiel Jrom the Geiman of B ii dix. By George M. 

BAKEiia>^d W iLi.AK.i Sm/ll. ("Our Bachelors " and "Mrs. Walthrop's 

Buatdtrs'' were Ij'aiislalcfl Irom the same.) 
G. OUR MUTUAL, FRIEND. A C'mcdy in Four Acts. Dramatis, d from 

the novel l)y Ciiarlen J^ickens By Harriet K. Shattuck. Four male, 

three female cli:ir;icters. 
7. REI{F:CCA'S triumph, a Drama in Three Acts. By George M. 

Baker (For female characters only.) Sixteen characters, fc^cenes are : 

Act ], kitclieii. Act 2, woods. Act 3, parlor. Writien at the request of 

the "DOC. Cooking Club," of Chicago, who took "Among the Brtakers" 
j as a model. 

I 8. APPLES. Comedy in One Act from Blackwood's Magazine. One male, two 

female characters. 
9. BABIE. Comedy in Three Acts. Translated from the French of Emile de 
Najac and Alfred Heunquin, by F. E. Chase. Six male, five female 

characters. 

I 10. A PERSONAL MATTER. Comedy in One Act. By F. E. Chase. Two 

male, and two female characters. 
11. COMRADES. A Drama in Three Acts. By George M. Baker. Four 
male, three female characters. Scene, intei'ior. Costumes modern. 
I Always successful. 

I 13. SNOW-BOUND, A Musical and Dramatic Entertainment. By George M. 
Baker. For three male and one female characters; requires some scenery, 
but can be easily produced. Introduces pongs, ncitaiions, and an original 
Burlesque, "Alonzo the Brave and the Fair Imogene." Time, two hours. 

13. BON-BONS. A Musical and Dramatic Entertainment. By George M. 
Baker. For fuur performers: three male, one female. Requires little 
scenery; introduces .songs, recitations, and an original Burlesque, 'The 
Paint King." Time in representation, two hours. 

14. PAST REDEMPTION. A New Temperance Drama in Four Acts. By 
George M. Baker. Nine male, and four fenud : characters, and super- 
numeraries. Scenery : three interiors, one exterior. 

15. NEVADA ; or, The Lost Mine. Drama, in Three Acts. By George M. 
Baker. Eiiiht male, three female characters. Scenery, exurior and in- 
terior of a Miner's Cabin in Nevada. Time, about two hour^. 

16. POISON. A Farce, as acted by the Hasty Pudding Club of Harvard College 
with great success. Four male, three f.male characters. Time, ihiity 
minutes. 

17. THE COOL COLLEGIANS. Comedy in Two Acts, by Miles Medic; 
three male and four female characters. ' 

GEORGE M, BJKER, 47 Franklin Street. 




f GEORGE M. BAKER, 



015 78S 905 5 W ^r '' The Mimic stage," ''The Social Stager ^'TheDra-win, 
£cr, iranay xjramas" " The Exhibition Drama" "A BaKtr's Dozen" etc. 
Titles in this Type are New Plays. 
Titles in this Type are Temperance Plays. 



DBA2IAS. 

Ift Four Acts. 

Better Than Gold. 7 male, 4 female 
char 

In Three Acts. 

Our Folks. 6 male, 5 female char. . . 
Tlxe Flower of the Family. 5 

male, 3 female char. ......... 

Enlisted for the War. 7 male, 3 fe- 
male characters 

My Brother's Keeper. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char , .. 

Xhe Little Jirown Jug, 5 male, 3 
female char 

/« Two Acts. 
Above the Clouds. 7 male, 3 female 

characters 

Oi\i& Hundred Years Ago. 7 male, 

4 female char 

Among the Breakers. 6 male, 4 female 

char 

Bread on the Waters. 5 male, 3 female 

char 

Down by the Sea. 6 male, 3 female 

char , 

Once on a Time. 4 male, 2 female char. 
The Last Loaf, 5 male, 3 female char. 

In One Act. 
Stand bv the Flag. 5 male char . . . 
The Tempter, 3 male, i female char. 

COMEDIES AND FAECES. 

A mysterious I>isappearance. /, 

male, 3 female char 

Paddle Your Own Canoe. 7 male, 

3 female char 

A X>rop too Much. 4 male, 2 female 
characters 

A Little More Cider. 5 male, 3 fe- 
male char 

A Thorn Among the Roses. 2 male, 6 
female char 

Never Say Die. 3 male, 3 female char. 

Seeing the Elephant. 6 male, 3 female 
char 

The Boston Dip. 4 male, 3 female char. 

The Duchess of Dublin. 6 male, 4 fe- 
male char !5 

Thirty Minutes for Refreshments. 

4 male. 3 female char 15 

We're all Teetotalers. 4 male, 2 fe- 
male char 15 

Male Characters Only. 

A Close Shave, 6 char. 15 

A Public Benefactor. 6 char 15 

A Sea of Troubles. 8 char. ..... 15 



CCMEDIES, &c., continued. 

Male Characters Only. 
A Tender Attachment. 7 char. . . . 

Coals of Fire. 6 char. , 

Freedom of the Press. 8 char. . . . 
Shall Our Moth^^rs Vote? n char. 
Gentlemen of the Jury 12 char. - . 
Humors of the Strike. 8 char. . . 
My Uncle the Captain. 6 char. . . 
New Brooms Sweep Clean. 6 char. . 

The Great Elixir. 9 char 

The Hypochondriac. 5 char. .... 
The Man with the I>em,iJohn, 4 

char. . . 

The Runaways. 4 char 

The Thief of Time. 6 char. . . . 
Wanted, a Male Cook. 4 char. , . , 

Fem.ale Characters (. 'nly 
A Love of a Bonnet. 5 cha/. . 

A Precious Pickle. 6 char 

No Cure no Pay. 7 char. 

The Champion of Her Sex. 8 char. . 
The Greatest Plague in Life. 8 cha. 

The Grecian Bend. 7 char 

The Red Chignon. 6 char. .... 
Using the Weed. 7 char. 

ALLEaOniES. 

Arranged for Musk and Tableaux. 

Lightheart's Pilgrimage. 8 female 
char 

The Revolt of the Bees, 9 female 
char. 

The Sculptor's Triumph, i male, 4 fe- 
male char 

The Tournament of Idylcourt. 10 
female char 

Thf 'Var of the Rosrs. 8 female char. 

MUSICAL AND DRAMATIC. 

An Original Idea. 1 male, x female 
char, I, 

Bonbons ; or, the Paint King. 6 male, 

I female char. 2, 

Capuletta ; or, Romeo and Juliet 

Restored. 3 male, i female char. . x\ 

Santa Claus' Frolics \\ 

Snow-bound; or, Alonzo the Brave 

and the Fair Imogene. 3 male, x 

female char 2\ 

The Merry Christmas of the Old 

Woman who lived in a Shoe. . . xi 
The Pedler of Very Nice. 7 male 

char • I 

The Seven Ages. A Tableau Entertam- 

ment. Numerous male and female char, i 
Too Late for the Train. 2 male char. \ 
Thb Visions of Freedom, ii female 



Geo. M. Baker1&ueo„ 47,^FrMklin'St. Boston, 



Baker's Humorous Dialogues. 



Male characters only. 25 ceats, 
Feuoale «bar«ct«rs owiy. «5 <?«n4» 



